Self-Care: The Key to Thriving as Parents and Partners
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Understanding Self-Care
Self-care is essential for us to be better parents and partners. While it may seem like a cliché, its truth remains undeniable. Importantly, self-care isn't just about what we can offer to others; we deserve it for ourselves as well.
I won’t suggest yoga or meditation—activities that are commonly recommended for self-care. While these practices are beneficial, they are often impractical for those of us short on time and energy. Instead, I have previously discussed simple, everyday ways to incorporate self-care into our lives without the need for extravagant vacations or massages. While those can be wonderful, they aren't feasible for everyone, especially during times of stress.
It's crucial to remember that overworking ourselves and then compensating with brief breaks is not a healthy cycle. This pattern resembles yo-yo dieting, oscillating between extremes without sustainable change. Many of us, particularly those with neurodivergent traits, often think in absolutes, which can lead us to immerse ourselves fully in tasks but may also lead to burnout.
Janet Jackson's "What Have You Done For Me Lately" explores self-worth and the importance of self-care in relationships, emphasizing that we must prioritize ourselves.
Accepting Our Limitations
We all have finite energy and resources. After a stressful day or a disagreement with a loved one, our patience can dwindle. Realistically, we can't become superhuman, no matter how much we might wish for that.
In the past, I believed I could simply will myself to be more patient. However, I learned that true change requires different approaches. Instead of trying to put toothpaste back in the tube, I needed to prevent it from being over-squeezed in the first place.
To foster patience, I must recognize my limitations and accept that I have a sensitive nervous system. This acknowledgment is the first step toward developing strategies that help me manage my stress and frustration levels.
The song "What Have You Done For Me Lately" serves as a reminder that taking care of our needs is essential for maintaining healthy relationships.
Strategies for Sustainable Self-Care
What works for one person may not work for another, but there are general strategies that can help conserve your valuable energy for your loved ones:
- Consider reducing your work hours or taking a break.
- Seek assistance from a co-parent or family member to lighten your load.
- Explore self-care and self-regulation techniques.
- Pay attention to your sensory needs.
Recognizing Sensory Needs
If you share my experience, you may not even be aware of how neglecting sensory needs can deplete your energy. Factors like bright lights, loud noises, and uncomfortable temperatures can drain our energy reserves, similar to how a phone battery is affected by extreme conditions.
Everyone has a unique sensory profile, and individuals with conditions like autism may experience heightened sensitivities, which can contribute to emotional dysregulation.
The Pitfalls of Perfectionism
In my early parenting days, I felt an overwhelming pressure to be the 'perfect parent,' which is an unattainable ideal. I strictly limited screen time for my son, prepared all his meals from scratch, and devoted every moment to meeting his needs.
This approach was not only unsustainable but also detrimental to my well-being. Without adequate breaks—especially since my son napped for short periods—I found myself feeling exhausted and irritable. The distance from extended family further compounded my feelings of isolation.
Now, I approach parenting differently. My son is more independent, allowing for a more balanced dynamic. I’ve learned that trying to force myself or others to be someone we are not leads to dissatisfaction.
By prioritizing self-care, we can better care for our children and ourselves, fostering healthier relationships and personal well-being.
© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB