Navigating the Complexities of Trying to Conceive: A Personal Journey
Written on
Chapter 1: The Hidden Struggles of Trying to Conceive
It’s difficult to confess that you’ve been attempting — and struggling — to conceive for almost a year. This topic is rarely discussed openly. Society expects individuals to remain stoic and bear this burden in silence.
However, this piece is not focused on a potentially child-free future. Instead, it addresses how little I, a relatively knowledgeable woman, grasped about the conception process. The misinformation I encountered — often rooted in judgment and guilt — has been overwhelming.
As adults, conversations about sexual intimacy for procreation are infrequent. While explicit discussions about sex may be acceptable in youth, once the topic shifts to baby-making, the dialogue often turns coy, filled with euphemisms like “trying,” if it happens at all. This creates an environment that is confusing, stressful, and isolating.
In my quest for clarity, I have delved deep into the convoluted realm of conception. It’s time to illuminate these misconceptions — because the information we receive is often misleading or simply absent.
The first video discusses key insights for women over 40 trying to conceive, providing expert tips and encouraging discussions on fertility.
Section 1.1: The Scarcity of Reliable Information
There is a shocking lack of clear data regarding what is safe or unsafe during the conception phase. The anxiety surrounding the possibility of pregnancy transforms mundane items — like a sunny-side-up egg or a glass of wine — into sources of worry.
Medical professionals generally advise caution, claiming that unless something is definitively proven safe for pregnant women, it should be avoided. A prime example is CBD; with limited studies conducted only on animals, the FDA advises against its use despite its potential benefits for some expectant mothers.
Even with “non-negotiables” such as alcohol, the medical community cannot establish a “safe” consumption level, leading to recommendations for complete abstinence. The CDC even suggests that sexually active women refrain from drinking altogether unless they are on birth control, just in case they might conceive.
While I understand the medical community's desire for caution, it’s frustrating that they seem disinterested in researching what may or may not be harmful. Pregnant women are frequently excluded from clinical trials, leaving us in the dark about how to manage various health concerns during pregnancy.
As Caroline Criado Pérez articulates in her book, Invisible Women:
It is of course understandable that a pregnant woman may be reluctant to take part in medical research, but this doesn’t mean that we have to just throw our hands up in the air and accept that we know nothing: we should be routinely and systematically tracking, recording and collating pregnant women’s health outcomes.
The absence of data is alarming and feels like another means of controlling women’s choices. Consequently, many women experience guilt for consuming alcohol or smoking before realizing they were pregnant.
Some authors, like Emily Oster and Angela Garbes, are working to fill this information gap, using real-life data to empower women to make informed decisions about their pregnancies.
Section 1.2: The Myths of Sex Education
Traditional sex education has instilled a fear in many women, leading us to believe that pregnancy is almost inevitable following unprotected intercourse, regardless of age. While I understand the need for caution, this fear is perpetuated by misconceptions and outright falsehoods, such as the belief that one can become pregnant at any point in their cycle.
The reality is that without an egg, there can be no baby. As women age, particularly after 35, the likelihood of conception decreases significantly — a mere 15-20% chance in any given month. Yet, even in our twenties, the odds are only around 20-25%, assuming sex occurs during the fertile window.
This misinformation contributes to a great deal of disappointment among women in their twenties and thirties who assume pregnancy will happen without delay.
The second video sheds light on the challenges of trying to conceive and the critical information every woman should be aware of during the process.
Subsection 1.2.1: Understanding Implantation Bleeding
I used to struggle to comprehend how some women could be unaware of their pregnancies. That was until I learned about implantation bleeding. When a fertilized egg attaches to the uterine lining, it may cause light bleeding, which can easily be mistaken for a regular period. This occurs in approximately 15-25% of women, making it understandable why some women remain oblivious to their pregnancy for weeks.
It’s astonishing that society is so quick to judge pregnant women but fails to educate them on significant aspects such as implantation bleeding. This lack of information can lead to women unknowingly engaging in behaviors that are deemed harmful during pregnancy.
Section 1.3: The Nuances of Pregnancy Confirmation
I once believed my mother-in-law’s assertion that she knew the moment she was pregnant. However, I later learned that implantation can take up to 12 days after conception. Until implantation occurs, the fertilized egg remains in transit through the reproductive system.
Only after implantation does the body begin to produce the pregnancy hormone hCG, which medical professionals recognize as the point of confirmed pregnancy. Unfortunately, many online resources incorrectly use “conception” and “implantation” interchangeably, which adds to the confusion.
The misinformation surrounding this topic can lead to unnecessary anxiety for women who worry about their actions around the time of conception.
Section 1.4: The Role of Online Communities
Pregnancy forums often garner a reputation for being chaotic spaces filled with anxious questions and confusing jargon. However, I view them as a refuge for women seeking support and clarity during a tumultuous time. They provide a space for individuals to share their fears, guilt, and confusion while seeking answers from those who have experienced similar challenges.
These platforms highlight a deeper issue: the feeling of abandonment many women experience regarding their reproductive health. As I navigate this journey, I find myself increasingly frustrated by the lack of accessible, well-researched information available to us.
The emotional toll of trying to conceive is profound, compounded by societal expectations and pressures that discourage open dialogue about such a personal struggle.
As I continue down this path, I am left feeling isolated and angered by the dearth of reliable information. I know that countless women share this experience, grappling with uncertainty about their choices, from dietary habits to exercise routines, all while facing societal scrutiny.
In conclusion, the journey of trying to conceive is fraught with challenges, and the lack of clear, honest discourse only adds to the burden. It’s time to break the silence surrounding this topic and foster a more supportive, informed community for women everywhere.
Sign up for Simple and Straightforward to receive essays, reading suggestions, and sustainable living tips.