Understanding Toxic Relationships

In relationships that are unhealthy, individuals often disregard your personal boundaries. A thought-provoking quote I encountered captures this stark contrast:

"In toxic relationships, people ignore your boundaries. Their priorities trump yours. In healthy relationships, people respect your boundaries. They accept your agency. In caring relationships, people protect your boundaries. They help you keep your promises to yourself."

Reflecting on this, consider how, as you transitioned into adulthood, you were informed that your evolving needs—including essential independence—would not only go unacknowledged but actively obstructed.

Overcoming these challenges without support can be a daunting task. You come to realize that another person's desire for control, importance, and power often outweighs your own needs for employment, financial stability, peace of mind, and the ability to make your own choices. Your happiness may feel like a threat to them, and your hopes are consistently diminished.

Imagine entering marriage with all the autonomy you longed for and the promise of a joyful household. Yet, you're met with demands for family gatherings and shared religious practices, while your aspirations seem to fade into the background.

You relocate with hopes of building a shared life, only to find yourself isolated. Attempts to connect with other couples are thwarted by your partner. When you propose engaging in church activities together, you face resistance. You're encouraged to lead your own life but simultaneously made to feel guilty for doing so. Rituals that once brought you together, such as reading the Bible, begin to dissolve for reasons you never anticipated.

If you express differing opinions, you're always at a loss. Earnings you generate are expected to be surrendered, forcing you to conceal your financial successes. Achievements become sources of guilt, and even basic needs trigger feelings of shame. Your joy may simply go unnoticed.

You may cling to the belief that things will improve when certain conditions are met, failing to realize that this mirrors the dynamics of your childhood.

You are a person who deserves a partner to celebrate your victories and support your journey. A shared life with your spouse should be the goal—not living separate existences. You are valid and deserving, even when your needs conflict with theirs.

Those who truly care will never pit their desires against your well-being.