Case Study: The Impact of Unreasonable Demands

During my mid-career, I found myself at a media consulting firm in Toronto, often clocking in 70 to 80 hours a week. I share this not to boast but to highlight the reality of the situation. This intense workload stemmed from three main factors:

1. A strong work ethic that emphasized professionalism.
2. Juggling multiple clients simultaneously.
3. A significant underestimation of time, costs, and technical complexities by the firm when drafting client contracts.

Let’s focus on the third point. The company frequently offered low fixed-price contracts, presuming that technical solutions were simple in the realms of video-on-demand and live streaming. However, nothing turned out to be as straightforward as anticipated. With many technologies being new to the team, additional time was required for everyone to adapt, which adversely affected the company’s profitability.

The outcome? Our Statements of Work (SOWs) were often unrealistic. As a newcomer, I initially accepted the extra workload, but as time passed, I began to feel resentment, as though my life was dictated by corporate demands. My health declined; sleep and nutrition suffered. In an attempt to cope with my internal struggles, I sometimes turned to excessive drinking, leading to further deterioration of my mental state and eventually, depression.

Unfortunately, my consulting firm operated on very tight margins, and there were no effective programs in place to facilitate discussions about emotional regulation. Consequently, I endured my challenges in silence and ultimately made the decision to leave after a year and a half.

Exploring Introjection: Insights from Gestalt Psychotherapy

Gestalt Psychotherapy draws a clear connection between emotional regulation and the Theory of Personality, which posits that:

A person defines themselves through differentiation from others while also forming connections.

Central to this theory is the concept of "introjection," which resonated with my work experience. I internalized the issues I faced despite recognizing the flaws in the system, adapting to external expectations rather than adhering to my values. The term "introjection" describes a process where individuals absorb outside influences without critical evaluation, leading to a rigid self-concept.

According to Gestalt.org, this can result in the formation of an "as if" personality, where one's genuine self becomes obscured. The blog "Much Ado About Nothing" elaborates on the dangers of introjection, stating that it can impede personal development and lead to internal conflict.

In my situation, I unconsciously adopted the media company's values and behaviors, even if they contradicted my own principles. The blog further highlights that introjection can blur the boundary between oneself and the external world, leaving individuals feeling disconnected from their true selves.

In my case, I became entrenched in a cycle of "shoulds," which hindered my emotional well-being:

• I should complete the report by midnight due to a packed schedule.
• I should drink this fifth beer to escape my stress.
• I should adhere to the SOW, as it was a binding agreement.

As a result, my health deteriorated, and I suppressed my emotions, preferring to mask my stress with a facade of happiness.

Strategies for Working with Introjects and Fostering Healthy Emotional Regulation

To effectively address introjection, the first step is recognizing the existence of these "shoulds" and our default attitudes. By fostering a willingness to explore our internal processes, we can create an environment conducive to healing and positive behavior changes.

When I encounter similar work challenges now, my approach has evolved. Here’s how I navigate these situations:

1. Acknowledge Emotions: I identify my emotional state and pay attention to how it manifests physically, usually as tension in my stomach or shoulders.
2. Communicate Openly: If my workload becomes overwhelming, I discuss it with my director and colleagues. For instance, I often find myself overwhelmed by excessive meetings, so I now block time in my calendar for focused work instead of scheduling more meetings for simple queries.
3. Transform Negativity into Positivity: When I sense stress building up, I proactively address it before resentment accumulates. This might involve taking a refreshing walk, engaging in exercise, or ensuring open communication about my emotional state.

While I haven’t perfected emotional regulation, it’s an ongoing process that requires constant self-assessment and appropriate responses.

The Significance of Emotional Regulation in Tech Environments

Based on my experiences in the Toronto tech sector, many organizations fail to adequately support their employees' emotional regulation, particularly before the pandemic. Although there has been some progress in recent times, much work remains. Larger companies tend to have better systems in place than smaller firms, which often lack the resources for such initiatives.

Here are three effective strategies companies can implement to promote emotional well-being:

1. Create Direct Access: Establish a psychologically safe environment for open discussions about emotions, both vertically and horizontally. Personally, I believe in conducting weekly one-on-one meetings with my team to understand their feelings and challenges better.
2. Mental Health Days: Acknowledge that life extends beyond work. Companies should offer additional paid mental health days to allow employees to recharge. I appreciate my current employer’s commitment to this practice.
3. Enhanced Access to Psychotherapy: Prior to the pandemic, psychotherapy was often overlooked by companies. My organization introduced a valuable program during the initial lockdowns, providing employees with access to therapy, recognizing the need for an external outlet for emotional expression.

In Conclusion

Feelings of frustration, anger, or resentment are valid and signal something amiss. How we manage these emotions is referred to as emotional regulation. My time at the media consulting firm taught me the repercussions of introjection and unhealthy coping mechanisms. This experience was pivotal in learning healthier ways to respond to daily stressors that could otherwise lead to detrimental outcomes. By setting boundaries and communicating openly, we can foster emotional regulation and achieve a healthier work-life balance. Especially within the tech sector, companies have a responsibility to create spaces where employees can express their emotions safely. Acknowledging this need will contribute to a healthier workforce where everyone thrives.

The first video discusses the relationship between technology and emotional regulation, particularly in the context of supporting various political viewpoints.

The second video explores games designed to enhance emotional regulation skills, providing valuable insights into managing feelings more effectively.