Section 1.1: Embracing Your Fate

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus articulated a powerful idea over two millennia ago:

"Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will — then your life will flow well."

This concept may seem perplexing. When faced with setbacks, we often feel justified in our frustrations, as if life has let us down. Yet, at the heart of Epictetus’ wisdom is a straightforward message: when something occurs, you have two choices: resist it or accept it; given this reality, acceptance is the wiser path.

The past is immutable. What has transpired is behind us, and we can only strive to make the best of our current circumstances. Epictetus encourages us to go a step further by embracing the idea that we should wish for things to unfold as they inevitably will. This philosophy of loving one’s fate was later echoed by Friedrich Nietzsche, who termed it "amor fati."

How can we possibly love an experience like being struck by an arrow? At first glance, it appears irrational. However, the key point is that your reaction is entirely yours to determine. While you can choose to resist, you can also opt to embrace the experience.

But choosing to embrace it is not always easy. The Buddha recognized this truth over 2,500 years ago with his observation:

“Whatever you frequently think and ponder upon, that will become the inclination of your mind.”

This rings true; our thoughts shape our habitual responses. If your tendency is to resist, that is the direction in which your mind will gravitate. To break free from this cycle, you need to relinquish what Brené Brown refers to as counterfeit control, allowing you to surrender.

Section 1.2: The Subtle Art of Surrender

Are you holding on too tightly to life’s reins? Do you believe that reality must align with your expectations for you to find peace?

Even when circumstances appear to align with your desires, any sense of peace is often fleeting. Each moment carries the potential for disappointment, leading to fear and anxiety as you grapple with the need for control.

Intellectually, you may understand that the world operates independently of your wishes, yet a part of you still longs for it to conform to your desires, avoiding hardship at all costs.

However, this is not the essence of life. Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, reminded us:

"Do not be surprised when a fig tree produces figs, nor should you be surprised at the world’s outcomes. A skilled doctor is not taken aback when patients present with fevers, nor is a helmsman when the wind shifts against him."

In essence, the world operates according to its own rules, unaffected by our preferences. Life will continuously present challenges until our last breath. This is not happenstance; it’s simply how existence functions. In this dynamic, we resemble an ant trying to shift the weight of an elephant. No matter our efforts, the elephant remains unyielding.

We often underestimate our similarities to that ant. We can’t wish away global crises like pandemics or wars, nor can we eliminate conflicts with loved ones. Life will continue its course, regardless of our desires.

However, this realization does not render us powerless. It invites us to discern what we can control. Instead of attempting to move the elephant, release the illusion of control—this is your counterfeit control. Then, learn to navigate alongside it, seizing the opportunities that arise from its movements. While you cannot dictate the elephant's actions, you can control your responses to them.

This approach allows us to navigate life with skill. By ceasing to fight against the elephant and instead surrendering, we create space to focus our energy on actions that truly matter, rather than those that leave us feeling frustrated and anxious.

So, when faced with an unwelcome event, pause for a moment. Observe what has transpired—really take it in—and accept it. Remind yourself repeatedly that what has happened cannot be altered. This acceptance does not mean you must approve of it or that you cannot take steps to improve your situation; it simply means you stop inflicting unnecessary pain upon yourself by wishing things were different.

In time, you may find a way to embrace whatever life throws your way—not for its goodness or badness, but because it is your journey. When given the option to love or resent your path, I hope you choose love.