# Understanding My Anger: A Conversation with My Son
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Chapter 1: The Question
Last week, while discussing my son's habitual tardiness, he posed a poignant question: “Why are you always angry?” This inquiry struck a chord within me, prompting both tears and deep self-reflection.
In the aftermath of our argument, I found myself contemplating the roots of my anger, which stem from a blend of personal trauma, societal pressures, and the multifaceted challenges of motherhood. I decided to articulate my feelings in an essay, revealing how unresolved emotions and past experiences have shaped my current state of mind.
Writing has always served as a powerful outlet for me. It allows me to express emotions in a way that feels authentic, whether through pen on paper or fingers on a keyboard.
The Moment of Truth
After publishing my piece, I felt apprehensive about how to approach my son upon his return home. I wanted to clarify that his perception of me as an angry person was not an identity I intended to impose on him.
When we finally spoke, I emphasized the importance of transparency. I believe that understanding the complexities of one another’s feelings is essential for growth. My son, reflecting his caring nature, immediately apologized for making me feel this way. I reassured him that he had nothing to be sorry for; we are not responsible for each other's emotions.
I invited him to read my essay, giving him space to process my words. Leaving the room felt necessary, yet I briefly forgot how personal my writing was.
The Impact of Words
When I returned, I found my son visibly affected by what he had read. The weight of my experiences became clear to him, and he expressed surprise at the struggles I had faced. I gently reminded him that it wasn't his burden to carry but an opportunity for understanding.
During our conversation, he inquired about a traumatic figure from my past. I chose my words carefully, ensuring that I shared only what was necessary without overwhelming him with details that could cause him distress.
He also pointed out that he had often perceived me as perpetually angry, a label he formed based on my discussions about life and work. I acknowledged that I can be overly expressive, particularly in moments of frustration, and that my tone may come across more intense than intended.
Understanding Our Emotions
I took the time to explain the cultural nuances surrounding emotional expression, particularly as a Black woman. I shared how our voices and emotions can be more pronounced, especially when experiencing anger, which can sometimes overshadow our other feelings.
I also opened up about my struggles with irritability, especially during perimenopause, and how I’m actively working to address these issues in therapy.
Writing as Therapy
Reflecting on my writing journey, I recognized its therapeutic value. It helped me navigate my feelings and served as a bridge to connect with my son. Our dialogue deepened our bond and opened up channels of understanding that I hadn't anticipated.
My son’s response was heartwarming; he acknowledged the challenges I have faced and encouraged me not to be too hard on myself.
As we continued our conversation, I reassured him that I was committed to improving how I express my feelings, particularly in front of him and his siblings.
Chapter 2: The Path Forward
The first video explores common triggers for parental anger and offers insights into managing those emotions constructively.
The second video provides practical advice on handling feelings of anger towards children, fostering healthier family dynamics.
A Final Reflection
As I contemplate my journey, I am reminded of the safety instructions given by flight attendants: parents must secure their own oxygen masks before assisting others. This metaphor serves as a reminder that self-care is crucial for effective parenting.
Mothers often neglect their own needs, leading to situations where children sense something is amiss. I am determined to prioritize "me time" and manage the stresses of being an overachiever while navigating my identity as an intersectional minority.
In closing, I dedicate this reflection to all the mothers who strive tirelessly yet often feel unseen. You are not alone in your journey, and your efforts matter.
