Chapter 1: The Post-Intimacy Disconnect

Recently, a client approached me with a recurring concern about her experiences with men after becoming intimate.

She expressed:

"I connected with this guy I really like, and we have incredible chemistry. Things heated up quickly, and I was onboard. But afterward, it's like he vanishes. Even when I take my time before getting physical, the outcome is the same. They seem so interested before we sleep together, yet afterward, it's as if I don't exist. Why does this keep happening?"

In response to her and others in similar situations, I shared this insight:

Relationships often reflect our emotional states. If you're consistently searching for someone to fill an internal void and seeking love to affirm your worth, this kind of neediness tends to attract partners who are also looking for fulfillment outside themselves. They often misinterpret intimacy as a solution to their own inner emptiness. However, when that physical connection doesn't provide lasting satisfaction, they tend to disappear—ghosting or simply vanishing.

True fulfillment and a sense of wholeness come from self-love, not from external validation or temporary closeness. To escape this cycle, it's critical to embark on a path of self-love and personal responsibility. Only then can a relationship evolve into one of mutual growth, support, and joy, rather than a mere quest for validation.

If you're pondering:

"If I cultivate self-love, why would I still want a relationship?"

It's important to recognize that a healthy relationship is not about need; it's about the desire to share the love you've developed within yourself. It represents a partnership where both individuals, filled with self-acceptance, come together to share, grow, and enjoy life in unison. This collective love creates the deepest connections, elevating the bond to its highest potential.

How do I initiate my journey of self-love?

Embarking on self-love is a transformative journey. My approach, known as Relationship Alchemy, helps individuals understand and take charge of their emotions, shifting the focus from seeking external remedies for inner voids to addressing the needs you've been neglecting.

If you're doubting your ability to cultivate self-love because of past experiences with your parents, reconsider that notion.

Your past does not define your ability to love yourself.

Even if you haven't received the love you deserve, you have the innate potential to nurture and care for yourself. This ability can be honed over time, leading to not only personal happiness but also healthier and more rewarding relationships.

With dedication and consistent effort, you can transition from neglecting your needs to valuing yourself deeply. While this journey may be arduous and slow, the rewards are invaluable: a profound sense of inner peace, the warmth of genuine connections, and the daily joy of simply being. The effort is indeed worthwhile.

Hello, dear reader!

I’m Vanessa, a teacher of Traditional and Aquarian Kundalini Yoga, Hatha Yoga, and meditation, immersed in the transformative power of mindfulness, particularly in our digital world. In an age where our lives are increasingly online, achieving balance is essential. Through my online yoga and meditation sessions, I provide practices that guide you toward peace, joy, and harmony.

Let’s cultivate those quiet moments, cherishing the memories that lead us to a balanced and fulfilling life. Many have journeyed with me and rediscovered their inherent joy and carefree spirit. If you're seeking guidance on this path, consider joining my online sessions at whowhatwoo.com.

Thank you for engaging with my content!

If you appreciate what I share, please follow me on Medium at

Vanessa O.

and visit me at whowhatwoo.com and on Instagram.

Chapter 2: The Power of Self-Love

The importance of self-love cannot be overstated in building healthy relationships. By nurturing your self-worth, you can attract partners who appreciate you for who you are, rather than for what you provide emotionally.