Chapter 1: The Burden of Busyness

In February 2023, at the age of 43, I made the decision to retire from my position as VP of R&D Operations at Arctic Wolf. After a month-long break from the demands of full-time employment, I anticipated feeling refreshed and gaining insight into what my next significant project might be.

Although I hadn’t pinpointed my “Next Big Thing,” I had embarked on several smaller endeavors that I hoped would clarify my path. I believed that through these experiences over the summer, I would gain the clarity I sought.

Our summer was filled with exciting plans, including a trip to the Cook Islands, a visit to my parents' cottage, and a few weeks of remote work on Vancouver Island while my 14-year-old daughter enjoyed a sea kayaking adventure. I thought these experiences, along with my spring projects, would rejuvenate my spirit and reveal my forthcoming goals.

The View from Our Deck on Aitutaki, Cook Islands. It took me at least three days to shake off the urge to do more than simply read a book from this deck or snorkel in the crystal-clear waters.

As summer approached, my motivation to pursue various projects began to wane. The thought of my list of potential “Next Big Things” filled me with dread. Some tasks on that list included:

• Writing a book or weekly blog posts on building a Unicorn Development team.
• Launching a consultancy to assist startup founders in scaling their development teams.
• Deepening my involvement with Code Like A Girl to expand its reach and authorship.
• Enhancing my role as a fractional COO with Code Gem.

What was going on? With ample time at my disposal, I found myself lacking excitement. These aspirations felt more like burdensome expectations rather than dreams to pursue. The pressure to continuously push myself further was palpable, reflecting the expectations I had internalized throughout my life and the tech community’s anticipations of my performance.

Eventually, I recognized these feelings as indicators of profound burnout, suggesting I was not ready to dive into a new adventure that centered on career achievements.

As I reflected in April, I began to observe the signs of burnout gradually dissipating. However, I soon realized these were merely superficial indicators fading away. While I felt less stressed, enjoyed better sleep, and had increased energy, I had yet to learn how to truly slow down.

For years, I had mastered the art of time optimization to juggle countless responsibilities—mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter, swim taxi for my daughter, a tech executive at a thriving Unicorn Company, editor of Code Like A Girl, mentor at Founder's Institute, Rogers Catalyst Board Member, professional speaker, and more.

Thus, when I faced a void of free time post-Arctic Wolf, I felt compelled to fill it—not just with activities, but with pursuits that benefited others. Without this, I questioned my purpose.

During spring, I read “Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving” by Celeste Headlee. Her critique of our society's obsession with “The Cult of Busyness” resonated deeply with me.

The “Cult of Busyness” embodies societal pressure compelling us to remain constantly active, cramming our schedules with endless tasks. In our culture, there's an unspoken rivalry where busyness becomes a badge of honor. We equate being overwhelmed with worth, believing that a lack of obligations renders us insignificant.

Celeste Headlee’s book effectively illustrates the perils of prioritizing 'should do' tasks over activities that genuinely bring joy and fulfillment. Like Headlee, I realized I was ensnared in the busyness trap, placing external expectations above my own well-being.

I grew increasingly concerned about my cardiovascular health upon noticing that walking on the beach in the Cook Islands felt more taxing than anticipated. During hikes on Vancouver Island, I found myself gasping for breath, a worrying sign at 43 years old.

The realization that I was not as physically or mentally fit as I presumed prompted me to reassess what would be best for my well-being in the upcoming year. Headlee’s insights cemented my understanding that self-care is a necessity, not a luxury. It became clear that pursuing new ventures without addressing my burnout and physical health would be futile.

One of the most impactful lessons from Celeste Headlee’s work was the need to redefine success. I began to shift my perspective to include personal fulfillment, happiness, and the nurturing of strong relationships alongside traditional career achievements.

For too long, I had equated success with professional milestones. However, “Do Nothing” challenged me to consider the richness of life beyond career confines, prompting reflections on the joy of meaningful connections and overall quality of life.

After heartfelt discussions with my husband, we mutually agreed that self-care must take precedence in this next phase of my journey. This realization necessitated scaling back on the projects I had initiated in spring, declining new opportunities, and determining how to strengthen my physical health.

Recognizing my fondness for swimming, the only cardio exercise I genuinely enjoy, I resolved to set a goal. My daughter (a competitive swimmer) and I decided to participate in our first open-water swimming competition in Barbados. In a few weeks, I will swim 1,500 meters in the ocean! To prepare, I began swimming three times weekly.

Women typically lose about 3-5% of their muscle mass per decade after turning 30. As a 44-year-old, I understood the importance of combating this with consistent strength training. This has been my routine for the past eight years, and I felt that three days a week was likely sufficient.

With strength training aiding in muscle preservation and swimming enhancing my cardiovascular health, I still needed to address stress-induced muscle tightness that had plagued me over the last two decades, causing headaches, back pain, bursitis, and piriformis syndrome. While my back improved significantly after regular workouts began eight years ago, neck and head discomfort persisted, recently accompanied by a bursitis and piriformis syndrome diagnosis in my right hip.

I suspected that Pilates could alleviate these issues but recognized that I wouldn’t succeed without external support. My past attempts at self-driven programs had resulted in only maintaining a consistent workout schedule of three times a week, primarily due to the encouragement from my husband or trainer. Creating a personal workout plan was a mental hurdle I struggled to overcome.

For Pilates, I knew I needed a studio environment, as practicing at home was unlikely. In early September, I enrolled at Club Pilates in Waterloo. It has been a rewarding experience; the classes are challenging, yet I am noticing improvements in my flexibility. Remarkably, I haven’t experienced a tension headache in over a month, a condition that used to be a frequent occurrence.

Additionally, my husband and I made a conscious choice to include daily walks in our routine, aiming for 5,000 steps each day, alongside our regular workouts. This intentional practice enhances our physical health and provides a cherished opportunity to strengthen our bond. We’ve discovered that it’s not merely about the steps; it’s about the shared moments, conversations, and simple joy of being together. Aligning with “Do Nothing's” insights on the significance of meaningful relationships, these walks have become a cornerstone of our journey toward a more fulfilling life.

I also recognized that to foster happiness, I needed to engage my mind, not solely focus on physical wellness. Over the spring and summer, I discovered my passion for mentoring individuals and startups. I genuinely enjoy supporting their journeys and strategizing with them.

Mentoring Angie from DriverDX has been a rewarding experience. I am eager to witness her impact on the commercial driver sector.

Moreover, I realized my passion for reading and editing Code Like A Girl articles. I relish scouting for new authors on Medium and inviting them to contribute. I must remind myself to focus less on view counts, just enough to ensure I am amplifying their voices. This endeavor brings me immense joy.

Reflecting on this journey, I recognize that the route to fulfillment doesn’t necessarily lie in pursuing the next big goal. Eight months ago, I stepped away from a fast-paced career, eager to discover my “Next Big Thing.” Little did I know that true rejuvenation would emerge from intentionally slowing down and redefining my understanding of success.

Celeste Headlee’s book “Do Nothing” opened my eyes to how deeply I had been entrenched in the Cult of Busyness, perpetually feeling pressured to be productive and equating my worth with my output. It prompted me to reevaluate the significance of busyness and inspired me to focus on what truly matters. Now, I strive to prioritize activities that bring joy and fulfillment rather than simply filling my agenda with endless tasks.

Self-care has proven transformative. Swimming and Pilates have fortified my body, while daily walks with my spouse have fostered a closer connection, underscoring the importance of meaningful relationships.

Mentoring and uplifting voices in the tech community, especially through Code Like A Girl, Rogers CyberSecure Catalyst, and Founder's Institute, has become a profound source of joy and purpose. It serves as a reminder that success is not solely measured by professional accomplishments but by the lives we influence and the opportunities we create for others.

Through this journey of self-discovery, I’ve realized that success transcends professional achievements. It can also reside in self-care, cultivating strong relationships, and empowering others. Striving for balance in physical and mental well-being is crucial, and sometimes the most significant successes are those that go uncelebrated.

Have you ever felt ensnared in the whirlwind of busyness? If so, what small step could you take today to prioritize your well-being and redefine your path to fulfillment?

The first video, "Break Free from the Constraints of Time and Liberate Yourself from Busyness," explores how to escape the cycle of constant activity and find peace in stillness.

Chapter 2: Finding Empowerment through Faith

Throughout my journey, I began to recognize the importance of faith and personal empowerment. The second video, "Breaking Free: Overcoming Manipulation and Control Finding Comfort and Guidance in Faith Empowering," delves into how faith can provide guidance and strength during challenging times.